Descriptive Writing - The Return of Tranio and Livia by Martha
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A man and a woman put a flower down where Pompeii used to be. Tranio and Livia said bye to the people under the ground. Tranio and Livia went back to their house. Tranio and Livia were sad.
Martha's Improved Version:
Many years later, an elderly couple silently place a pinky-purple rose just outside the once outstanding bakery, on the now silent, desolate streets.
Tranio and Livia slumped down beside the flourishing orange trees and remembered how once, the great city was at its best, before that terrible, mournful day.
The brave duo had been found by the ship’s Captain, a jolly good sport, who had taken them in as his own kids. Just a few months before, his own little one year old tyke had passed away.
Tranio and Livia now were in mourning for their great city and their adopted Dad.
A few metres away, just in the shadow of Vesuvius, ‘the gentle mountain,’ a whitewashed cottage, well-loved and well cared for stood.
“Goodbye Pompeii,” whispered Tranio mournfully, “I won’t forget you.”